Thursday, July 3, 2014

5 Months Old

Sarah Louise,

You are five months old!  Can this really be true?  I am amazed at how fast you are growing.  It seems that nearly every day I look at you and I am surprised at just how big you have become.  You are becoming your own little person this month.  You love people.  You are content to play by yourself for 10 minutes or so, but then "squawk" to get our attention and it often escalates quickly.  Last month, you were content for me to peek my head in and and talk to you for a minute and then go finish laundry or whatever I was doing.  This month, you want me to sit and chat with you for a few minutes before I continue on.


You are so much more engaging and your daddy and I can almost always get you laughing.  You like to sing familiar songs along with me.  We typically sing "This is the Day that the Lord has made" each morning and at each diaper change.  It is the song you most consistently sing along to.  You love motion songs like "Wheels on the Bus", "My God is so Big", and "Row, Row, Row Your Boat".


We introduced the mirror to you this month.  You look at yourself and smile really big.  Sometimes you giggle and "talk" to the baby in the mirror too.  When we don't have a mirror around, we use the camera on my phone to let you look at yourself.


Physically, you are doing new things all the time.  You have excellent fine motor skills, and will grab anything offered to you and stick it directly into your mouth and chew on it.  You have never taken a pacifier but have enjoyed chewing on your hands.  You are now an expert at doing so on individual fingers, specifically your thumb.  You still have not been one to suck your thumb, but it wouldn't surprise me if you start.  Because of your chewing, dozens of people have suggested that you are starting to teethe.  I am not convinced though.  Time will tell.


You successfully mastered turning from your tummy to your back.  When we went for your 4 month checkup, you would only turn when I pressed under your arm.  It was like a button and when we pressed there, you would turn over immediately without assistance, but it didn't seem to occur to you to do it without this trigger.  A couple days later, Daddy put you to bed on your tummy and checked on you on the monitor about 5 minutes later and there you were, on your back!  You have rolled from your back to your tummy a handful of times, but you have definitely not mastered it yet.  You discovered your feet this month, but your belly prevents you from getting them in your mouth just yet.  That precious belly of yours has helped you be able to sit up unassisted for a few seconds at a time.


You love being in the vertical, rather than the horizontal plane, which makes you seem even less like a baby.  Ever since you were itty bitty, you preferred to be rocked on our shoulders, rather than cradled.  Playtime in your Bumbo is now a daily occurrence and we introduced the Baby Einstein this month.  It is amazing to see your progress interacting with it.  At the beginning of the month, you would totter from one tip toe to the other as you reached for the toys.  Now, you are almost flat footed, bouncing a little as you play with everything.  Although you still cannot turn the seat in it.



The first of this month we said goodbye to your swaddle.  You transitioned without any problem.  While we are grateful that you do not need it anymore, it was hard to admit that you are no longer a newborn and put them away.  Hopefully they will be used again some day.



You had a bit of a rough patch with sleeping, both at night and during naps, when you first learned how to roll from your tummy to your back.  The night you mastered it, you woke up at 1:30 in the morning for the first time in months.  Your daddy still gets up with you whenever you wake up, whether that is an instance like this, or if you wake up before he leaves for work.  He found you on your back and tried to comfort you.  After just a couple minutes, I went to help since your cry was so unusual.  We think that you woke up from turning over and were scared.  We turned on the lights, I talked and held you.


Eventually you calmed down some, but we decided it was best to go ahead and nurse you back to sleep, which is rare.


You are now eating every 4 hours during the day.  You are extremely efficient at nursing, typically taking only 10 minutes at each meal.  Although it is starting to take a bit longer since you are so easily distracted now.  I can no longer talk on the phone, eat, or read while you nurse.

You typically wake up about 7 a.m. and I give you a toy to play with in your crib, while I get ready.  After about 10 minutes, I come in and talk to you, change your diaper, get you dressed for the day and you usually eat about 7:30 a.m..  Your last feeding for the day is somewhere between 7:30 and 8:30 p.m..  This month we unceremoniously dropped the dream feed.  There were several days where you went to bed late for whatever reason and we simply didn't do it.  Your daddy was sad when he realized that those days were gone.  It was a special time each night as he would feed you a bottle as nursing was too difficult with you asleep.  At the end of the bottle, you would smile a great big smile and he would put you to back to bed.

You are pretty flexible when it comes to naps.  When we go to friends' houses, you are pretty good at getting a 45 minute nap in.  Typically you get two 2 hour naps during the day.  In the evening, you often only take a catnap, but if we had a busy day, you can nap up to 2 hours.


While you are so good when we are out and about, you are NOT a fan of the car seat.  Sometimes you will contentedly play with your toys, but often you ramp up to hysterical crying at record speed and there is nothing we can do to comfort you until we get you out of the car seat.

Everywhere we go you get tons of comments and compliments on your hair.  They are amazed at the amount and length.  Considering your hair was coffee brown when you were born, it has lightened considerably.  We have played around with it, putting two clips in it and even tried a ponytail.




You are just too cute for words!  It is surprising to us that we still have no idea what your eye color is or will be.  It seems that every time we look they are a different color.

You are wearing size 3 diapers and 6 month, 6-9 month and 9 month clothing.  It really depends on if it is a onesie, dress, or pants. From our scale you weigh about 17 lbs 10 oz.

We have seen dramatic changes in you this month.  While it is easy to see all the physical changes, it is your personality, your interactions and your responses that have been the biggest change.  You are a happy, social, decisive individual.  We are grateful that you are our daughter and that we get to witness this progression.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Mission Lunch Date

Last year at the end of my second trimester, Christy completed the Tulsa Run.  I was (and still am) incredibly proud of her.  Just 5 months after Parker was born, she finished the 15K in under 2 hours.  Wow!  She was such an inspiration, that I set my own goal of running the Tulsa Run this year.  I began the Couch to 5K program the day Sarah turned 6 weeks old.


 She was so little cheering her momma on!

It took me quite a bit longer to complete than I originally hoped due to the weather, a few trips to see family, the exhaustion of a new little one...oh the excuses are endless!  Nevertheless, after a successful run with Christy in Texas, I refocused with the goal of completing the program by the end of June.  The reward, a lunch date to Lenny's with my two favorite people.  It was just the motivation I needed, because I did it!  15 weeks after beginning to run, I can run a 5K!  


With the Tulsa Run at the end of October, my next goal is 5 miles by the end of July.  Hopefully with the motivation of some new apparel and this cutie cheering me on I will get there.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Baby M - Being Knit Together

Psalm 139:13-16
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.

We are incredibly blessed to have had 3 ultrasounds in the first 10 weeks of our pregnancy.  To be able to peek in on Baby M and see the amazing development in just a few short weeks, it is truly like watching an artist craft a masterpiece.  We stand in awe of the Lord and how we have these snapshots as He carefully knits Baby M together, so fearfully and wonderfully.  We praise the Lord for each and every day that Baby M has written in His book.

 6w2d, when Matthew and I first met Baby M.
4.93mm, 117 bpm



After the first ultrasound, we graduated from the clinic to an OB.  We absolutely love our new physician, Dr. Sanders, who is a fellow believer.  Because of our previous loss, she graciously provided us with ultrasounds every 2 weeks until we made it through the most sensitive period and we were more confident. 

Baby M at 8w1d

Baby M at 10w1d 



We are thrilled that we have graduated to appointments every 4 weeks, but are a little sad that we won’t get to see Baby M until August.  Until then, we will be ogling over these precious photos.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Delight Yourself in the Lord

We are overwhelmed with joy and anticipation over Baby M (I prefer to think the M is for Miracle, rather than simply Miller).  For more than 2 years, we have desired and prayed for a family.  During this time, there were moments of discouragement, confusion, tests, surgery, lots of waiting, and despair.  But in the midst of all of it, there were words of encouragement, treasured friends, stretching and expanding of our faith, and a drawing closer to our Heavenly Father.

For the last five years, a wise godly woman has mentored me and she shared some wisdom she gave one of her daughters who also struggled with infertility.  We cannot find joy outside of Christ.  No friend, gift, achievement or even child will provide sustained, permanent joy.  She shared Psalm 37:4 with me to remind me to delight myself in the Lord.  This is not a simple one time decision.  It is part of our sanctification process; it takes a continuous focus on and praise of the Lord.

Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Initially, the desire of my heart was for a family.  As time progressed, the desire of my heart was simply not to hurt, to truly be able to rejoice with others who were rejoicing over their special additions, and to be able to live the moment I was in.  There are so many wives tales that run rampant about infertility, that are simply not true.  The truth is that there are a lot of wonderful deserving couples who seek the Lord and will never be blessed with children.  Understanding this truth, I struggled with this verse. 

Enlightenment came via a wonderful semi-retired missionary who attended a ladies' tea during our church's annual missions conference.  She spoke on this particular verse.  When we yield our hearts and truly delight in the Lord, He is faithful to give us the desires of our heart.  Confused?  What it means is He does not fulfill the fleshly desires that we have within our heart, but rather when we delight in Him, He pours into our hearts new desires, holy desires.  What an true understanding I now had!

Time continued to march by, but I began to pray a different prayer.  Although I still desired a family, I prayed that I would be overwhelmed with delight for the Lord, and that He would remove any desires that did not align with His plan and replace them with whatever He would have for us.  It took time for my heart to accept that children may not be a part of how we worked into His plan.

This understanding of truly delighting in the Lord is just one of the many ways that God used this time of waiting to draw us closer to Him and to bring about His glory.  

Thursday, July 4, 2013

O Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good!

Last September, our church announced a worship project for visual artists based with the theme of Psalm 107:1a,

"O Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good..."

In response, Brian, our Sunday School leader, church elder and friend created this beautiful scene of a morning sunrise with Lamentations 3:22-23 as an additional inspiration.  It was breathtaking to my eyes, but even more so to my heart.


At Christmas, Brian gave us the painting much to our surprise and enjoyment.  With very little artwork in our house, and none so beautiful as this one, we had several places we wanted to put it.  After much thought, we found the perfect place for it...above the dresser in our room.  This way each morning when we woke up, we would see this amazing sunrise and be reminded of God's promises and goodness, that His steadfast love truly never ceases, His mercy is new each morning and sufficient for the day, His faithfulness is perfect and we are to give thanks to Him because He is good.

While scripture warns us in Ecclesiastes 3 with an extensive list that "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven", we never seem to be prepared for the unpleasant, hard, devastating seasons.  For the Miller family, 2012 was that season.  Friends equated our situation with Job, although we are grateful it wasn't that bad.  Nonetheless, we lost many very dear loved ones, in a short time, each one more acute than the last.

In the midst of hurt, when we take our focus off of the Lord and shift it to ourselves, our pain is amplified and  we lose sight of all of God's goodness.  So as Romans 12:12 tells us, "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."  As we rejoiced in the Lord, simply because He is good, He began to heal our hearts, and His steadfast love amazed us, in fact it overwhelmed us.

We are thrilled to say that while we still give thanks simply because He is good, we have a very special reason to give thanks!



Monday, June 3, 2013

Stones of Remembrance

I often desire to keep a record of special moments in our lives and just as often regret how poor my memory is and how much of our marriage has passed without proper acknowledgment of it. My hope is to begin at the present and in due time add past moments we also wish to treasure.

My desire is bring together a collection of special memories, the milestones and the simple ones, and create digital "Stones of Remembrance" as a personal reminder of God's mercy and faithfulness each day and in all circumstances, just as the Israelites were commanded when they crossed the Jordan.

Lamentations 3:22-23
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.