Delight Yourself in the Lord

We are overwhelmed with joy and anticipation over Baby M (I prefer to think the M is for Miracle, rather than simply Miller).  For more than 2 years, we have desired and prayed for a family.  During this time, there were moments of discouragement, confusion, tests, surgery, lots of waiting, and despair.  But in the midst of all of it, there were words of encouragement, treasured friends, stretching and expanding of our faith, and a drawing closer to our Heavenly Father.

For the last five years, a wise godly woman has mentored me and she shared some wisdom she gave one of her daughters who also struggled with infertility.  We cannot find joy outside of Christ.  No friend, gift, achievement or even child will provide sustained, permanent joy.  She shared Psalm 37:4 with me to remind me to delight myself in the Lord.  This is not a simple one time decision.  It is part of our sanctification process; it takes a continuous focus on and praise of the Lord.

Psalm 37:4

Delight yourself in the Lord,

    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Initially, the desire of my heart was for a family.  As time progressed, the desire of my heart was simply not to hurt, to truly be able to rejoice with others who were rejoicing over their special additions, and to be able to live the moment I was in.  There are so many wives tales that run rampant about infertility, that are simply not true.  The truth is that there are a lot of wonderful deserving couples who seek the Lord and will never be blessed with children.  Understanding this truth, I struggled with this verse. 

Enlightenment came via a wonderful semi-retired missionary who attended a ladies' tea during our church's annual missions conference.  She spoke on this particular verse.  When we yield our hearts and truly delight in the Lord, He is faithful to give us the desires of our heart.  Confused?  What it means is He does not fulfill the fleshly desires that we have within our heart, but rather when we delight in Him, He pours into our hearts new desires, holy desires.  What an true understanding I now had!

Time continued to march by, but I began to pray a different prayer.  Although I still desired a family, I prayed that I would be overwhelmed with delight for the Lord, and that He would remove any desires that did not align with His plan and replace them with whatever He would have for us.  It took time for my heart to accept that children may not be a part of how we worked into His plan.

This understanding of truly delighting in the Lord is just one of the many ways that God used this time of waiting to draw us closer to Him and to bring about His glory.