Baby M - Being Knit Together

Psalm 139:13-16

For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.

We are incredibly blessed to have had 3 ultrasounds in the first 10 weeks of our pregnancy.  To be able to peek in on Baby M and see the amazing development in just a few short weeks, it is truly like watching an artist craft a masterpiece.  We stand in awe of the Lord and how we have these snapshots as He carefully knits Baby M together, so fearfully and wonderfully.  We praise the Lord for each and every day that Baby M has written in His book.

 6w2d, when Matthew and I first met Baby M.

4.93mm, 117 bpm

After the first ultrasound, we graduated from the clinic to an OB.  We absolutely love our new physician, Dr. Sanders, who is a fellow believer.  Because of our previous loss, she graciously provided us with ultrasounds every 2 weeks until we made it through the most sensitive period and we were more confident. 

Baby M at 8w1d

Baby M at 10w1d 

We are thrilled that we have graduated to appointments every 4 weeks, but are a little sad that we won’t get to see Baby M until August.  Until then, we will be ogling over these precious photos.

Delight Yourself in the Lord

We are overwhelmed with joy and anticipation over Baby M (I prefer to think the M is for Miracle, rather than simply Miller).  For more than 2 years, we have desired and prayed for a family.  During this time, there were moments of discouragement, confusion, tests, surgery, lots of waiting, and despair.  But in the midst of all of it, there were words of encouragement, treasured friends, stretching and expanding of our faith, and a drawing closer to our Heavenly Father.

For the last five years, a wise godly woman has mentored me and she shared some wisdom she gave one of her daughters who also struggled with infertility.  We cannot find joy outside of Christ.  No friend, gift, achievement or even child will provide sustained, permanent joy.  She shared Psalm 37:4 with me to remind me to delight myself in the Lord.  This is not a simple one time decision.  It is part of our sanctification process; it takes a continuous focus on and praise of the Lord.

Psalm 37:4

Delight yourself in the Lord,

    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Initially, the desire of my heart was for a family.  As time progressed, the desire of my heart was simply not to hurt, to truly be able to rejoice with others who were rejoicing over their special additions, and to be able to live the moment I was in.  There are so many wives tales that run rampant about infertility, that are simply not true.  The truth is that there are a lot of wonderful deserving couples who seek the Lord and will never be blessed with children.  Understanding this truth, I struggled with this verse. 

Enlightenment came via a wonderful semi-retired missionary who attended a ladies' tea during our church's annual missions conference.  She spoke on this particular verse.  When we yield our hearts and truly delight in the Lord, He is faithful to give us the desires of our heart.  Confused?  What it means is He does not fulfill the fleshly desires that we have within our heart, but rather when we delight in Him, He pours into our hearts new desires, holy desires.  What an true understanding I now had!

Time continued to march by, but I began to pray a different prayer.  Although I still desired a family, I prayed that I would be overwhelmed with delight for the Lord, and that He would remove any desires that did not align with His plan and replace them with whatever He would have for us.  It took time for my heart to accept that children may not be a part of how we worked into His plan.

This understanding of truly delighting in the Lord is just one of the many ways that God used this time of waiting to draw us closer to Him and to bring about His glory.  

O Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good!

Last September, our church announced a worship project for visual artists based with the theme of Psalm 107:1a,

"O Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good..."

In response, Brian, our Sunday School leader, church elder and friend created this beautiful scene of a morning sunrise with Lamentations 3:22-23 as an additional inspiration.  It was breathtaking to my eyes, but even more so to my heart.

At Christmas, Brian gave us the painting much to our surprise and enjoyment.  With very little artwork in our house, and none so beautiful as this one, we had several places we wanted to put it.  After much thought, we found the perfect place for it...above the dresser in our room.  This way each morning when we woke up, we would see this amazing sunrise and be reminded of God's promises and goodness, that His steadfast love truly never ceases, His mercy is new each morning and sufficient for the day, His faithfulness is perfect and we are to give thanks to Him because He is good.

While scripture warns us in Ecclesiastes 3 with an extensive list that "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven", we never seem to be prepared for the unpleasant, hard, devastating seasons.  For the Miller family, 2012 was that season.  Friends equated our situation with Job, although we are grateful it wasn't that bad.  Nonetheless, we lost many very dear loved ones, in a short time, each one more acute than the last.

In the midst of hurt, when we take our focus off of the Lord and shift it to ourselves, our pain is amplified and  we lose sight of all of God's goodness.  So as Romans 12:12 tells us, "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."  As we rejoiced in the Lord, simply because He is good, He began to heal our hearts, and His steadfast love amazed us, in fact it overwhelmed us.

We are thrilled to say that while we still give thanks simply because He is good, we have a very special reason to give thanks!